Our anonymous friends are screaming for a new blog and I hear their cries. Jenna (Happy Birthday) feel free to blog over this as soon as your ready with yours. But, the Olympics are around the corner and I just wanted to share with my family my dream and desire to be in Turin, Italy representing our country.
BUT, what can I do?
When I was a youngster I was really good at hide-n-
seek.Our neighborhood friends would get together and we could play for days, weeks. It once took my brother Rick, the quiet one, 13 days to find me and I was in our backyard, behind the shed. I finally had to come out. I ran out of cheese and peanut butter in the mouse traps and was getting hungry. Now I'm not asking you to find me in this picture. You couldn't (maybe Kristen). But the rest of you, your not trained. I'll just tell you I'm behind the rock. This might be for the Summer Olympics.
When I got older I fansied myself the artist. I'd draw cartoons and drawings of Roger Ramjet, my favorite superhero. Soon after I dove into clay (got my hands dirty if you will). I would take a huge piece of clay and just wrap it around my head, peel it off and wa la. Now, this must account for something in the Olympics. They're adding new games all the time.
You know what? I know. We used to do this in college. I was the best.
After a night of partaking in a few libations at our favorite watering hole. The boys and I would indulge in blue lighting. It takes a steady hand and buddies that you can trust. If I reach back and pull out ol' glory I could represent our country proud.
I would just like to thank Sandra for letting me realize my dreams and for letting me practice night after night. I think she's really proud of me. GO USA!!!
57 comments:
Thank you Aunt Betsy. I knew you would understand. If no one else would, you would be there for me. I owe everything to you, all that I am today, all that I am, is because of you. 'Snif'
This morning, I was in real rough shape. Well it's my birthday. Birthday's only come once a year. But as you all will contend, everyone celebrates their birthday for a week. Last night was a doozie. Brian (manager of Scott's Pump and Pull) dropped me off at 3am. I am feeling the effects on this special day. So, to make a long story short. I had all intentions of posting some day. But, I can not compare to my cousins dream to be an bronze olympian.
You know cousin Jeff, they have just added paper, rocks, scissors into the summer games. Better start practicing. In fact, I could compete with you. Ready, 1.... 2... 3... SHOOT!!! Okay whatcha got cuz?
I got bunny ears, hop, hop. Do I win?
I think I need a moment.
Did you guys know that your my HERO? Your everything I wish I could be!! Okay, we need a karokee machine for our HOLTZAPALOOZA 2006 SHINDIG
Cousin Jeff and I posted at the exact same time. Maybe I could be an olympian too. I will have to unthaw though, then I can practice and train. Cousin Jeff? How many hours do you train and mentally prepare for the OLYMPICS?
Wait just a minute...all this credit to Auntie B? I thought that it was she and George that took you on your first excursion to the "bar scene" where you almost died of smoke inhilation!! How many days were you sick?!? How old were you ?!? 12...11?!? What kind of Olympic mentor is that??!! 'Snif' my a**!
I can answer that for you if you're more specific...train? With what hand?
I'll make the "grooms" cake...how about an armidillo? Zach says no clowns but how about a tire swing...
Armidillo cake? Sweet!!!
RedNeck Wedding Reception?? Don't tell me Rick's getting hitched again.
can you guys just give me a summary about your family. how many are there of you. in fact cant you guys just write it for me and email me
Jimmy, I will write your paper for a small fee of $50.
FINALLY A NEW POST. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU ALL WAITING FOR?
I THINK YALL NEED TO GET ON THE SAME PAGE AND POST ON A REGULAR BASIS. YA KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT CHECK THIS ALL THE TIME.
can you guys guarantee i get a A on it? i have a c in the class and i cant fail or i wont graduate on time. i dont want to be a loser and not graduate with my high school class on time. if you can say i would get a a then i would pay for the paper. my paper is due jan 27.
Jimmy, I have a PhD. I'll write your paper for $75.
Great job jff. Love the scatological humor. Now THERE's some spelling (I'm trying to look smart so I get that $75 from Jimmy.
Great job family. There were some good zingers in there for sure.
As a sidebar, did you know that there was karoke at my 2nd office xmas party? My boss and I co-sang "living on a prayer". It ROCKED! I'm fully supportive of the karoke at Holtzapalooza. But I'm also with Zach. Clowns creep me out.
Anonymous with the ALL CAPITAL LETTERS -- be nice. Chill out. We Holtz's just go with the flow. Identify yourself and give your coordinates!
Antie P and Unckie C are fully up to date on the blog-goings-on. Sometimes, I think, they have a hard time hearing me over the sounds of the surf and the clinking of margarita glasses in the background, but for now, they at least are trying to pay attention when I call them.
They liked Jimmy, that's for sure! Yay for Jimmy!
I'll give them a ring today and try to get an update from them for blog posting purposes. Please stay tuned.
i am in my english class right now. doing some work on my paper. could someone tell me who is in charge of this? do they have a email? i really have to get going on this paper if i want a good grade. kdh i dont have $75. how about $60. i go to school and play baseball. i hardly work. i can afford $60 out of my allowance. have your peeps call my peeps. but in all honesty, i need help discovering your family for my paper. bell is ringing in 5 minutes.
mandated break time in the state capitol. good morning all, how is dreary buffalo and wny this january morning? Gloomy I suspect as is Albany.
loved the blog entry. and the pictures. very funny made me laugh. who is related to jimmy or is he some random student who found you like a did, by accident.
coffee ready will reply again later
hello, I am trying to set up a web page for my family to stay in touch and a friend of a friend suggested I look at your page. I really like the format, and the presentation. Did you follow a manual, or a set of instructions? I am kind of green about all this internet stuff. but I have a brother in Neb and a sister in Ill, and I would very much like to keep in touch with them, and post happenings and stuff like that. But I dont want people to use the page as a dating service, or weirdo's contacting me, or dirty or obscene pictures or entries. do you understand what I am saying, I have a 10 yr old and I would like her to be able to comment and post. do you police yours pretty regularly or is this a pretty safe and clean environment? if you could respond to my concerns that would be great. I will keep checking looking for a response. I dont want to deal with any weirdo's
let me attempt to be a beacon of intelligence for this family. Jimmy, its really hard to nail down the number of people in our family. first of all, none of us can really count correctly, and B,people tend to come and go all the time. But I'll give it a shot. There were 20 people at our latest gathering, xmas. although we were missing, lets say 3 people. Some of our family members don't really like being associated with the rest of us. But they shall remain nameless, although one is very busy selling nascar tickets down in NC. And of course, there's the patriarch of the clan, Chaz f. Holtz, Sr. who is always here in spirit... he's the guy who gave us all this sense of humor (or at least the need to try and make milk come out of everyone else's nose on a regular basis). Finally, I'll write your paper for $70 dollars. I don't have a PhD, but I know all the tricks to get the number of words per page down to the bare minimum.
And to anonymous, who would like to start her own family blog... you can join our family if you want. that'd save some work for ya. But if you're intent on starting your own, the site is relatively safe. Besides cousin Jff's constant references to small furry creatures, self-stimulation, and poop jokes, every thing is kosher. ALthough we did have one gentleman try and lure the single women in our clan to a house of ill-repute on xmas eve.
anonymous, if you have any questions e-mail me at ntripcoach@aol.com. I will be glad to answer any questions you have.
Jimmy, you came to the right place. Cousin Jill and Cousin Adam are months away from their master's degree. Cousin Kristen has her PHD. Me, I have my associates degree from a prestigious community college. Cousin Jeff, I am not sure what he has. He likes to be called Dr. Pilaf or Professor. If you are to learn anything about this webpage it has to be, "Be cool, stay in school."
I will write your paper for $52.26. $53.08, if you want me to use spellcheck.
Lets see if I do this right, oh wait I can not get a blogger name. everything is taken, is that possible. Ok then I will just be anonymous then, I check here not to frequesntly but often enough, just want to mention that I think you guys are very funny. I am excited for your party. I just know there will be great pictures and lots of laughs.
who is Jimmy, he is new I think.
"Jimmy, you are on the computer during english class? Now I know why you have a C+. " by thllie
I said the same thing as I read it. Wierd.
Jimmy, to get the full perspective of our family you need to research. That means going back to the past posts/blogs and read away. It should only take a lil' while.
Anonymous (wanting to start a site/blog to keep in touch with fam), there easy to set up and free. Just click in the top left hand corner (BLOGGER.COM) and follow directions. Good luck.
Now... back ti bizness, ahh I got nothin'.
Oh yeah, Albany, love to hear from the Empire State's capitol. Is there any way Jimmy can get funding for his english paper?
I love "the Jimmy".
home from school and my research begins. but the problem is i hvae no idea who any of you are. what should i call you. for example what is kdh name. are those your real names. do you think i can get 5-7 pages out of your family. where do i start. i really need a starting point. i gave my english teacher your website. i really hope she doesnt post a comment. buf if you see a mrs. steppe thats my english teacher and encourage her to pass me this year. just for your information i am not from ny close to it but from pa.
jenna, kdh, or adam do you take money orders, credit cards, debit cards, personal checks. how can i pay.
jimmy is my name. but was born as james. my nick name is plinko. dont ask and i am not going to tell. i am 17 years old from pennslyvania. do you guys need any other information
Plinko? i thought I saw you on the "price is right" this morning. You were between the two octogenarians who bid 59 cents for the laptop computer.
Jimmy, anywhere near Butler, Pittsburgh, Erie, Philly, Allentown, Hershey? Does Pennsylvania have a professional football team down there? I know of there AAA minor league baseball team, the Wilkes -Booth somethings, shooters maybe.
Start your paper... "the night was moist". That always worked for me. And as cousin Adam suggested earlier, write really , really big.
Include on your paper that internet research has brought you to the ever popular and unrestricted blog.com, where your allowed to express social opinions, thoughts on politics and current events, sports stories, and hygiene. Include that these blogging (or flocking) bloggers deem it neccessary to blog their thoughts so others can listen to them and then respond with their own opinions.
This blog site is not like that. We're just a family trying to make each other laugh (that's probably why Rick, the quiet one, doesn't post here anymore). Penguins usually make us giggle, but we just love meerkats, meerkats and bushbabies.
In Jimmy's defense, the paper is not due until the 27th. That's pretty good. I would have started it on the 26th at 11PM.
thaks for your help fargo. jeffrey i live in cambridge springs, pa. do you guys have a professional football team?
Jimmy!!!?? When do you find time to go to class and complete your homework???
We used to, no longer; In the old days they used to be called the Buffalo Bills, they were pretty good, you may have heard of them. But now your High School team could beat them. They're trying to be a professional team again. Maybe with Marv's help, just maybe.
Zach (my son) roots for the Steelers.
your son has great taste. steelers land. i would ask you to write my paper and i could trade you some of my steelers memorabilia. but to be honest i dont trust that you would get me a a. do you have a phd like kdh does. jillthethrill you must be the defenseive one. i do finish my homework when i am in detention. i have been reading. i just started in novemeber. pretty funny
Thrllie, isn't Synergy that bad guy from "The Incredibles"?
Alas Jimmy, you are wise beyond your years. There is no way then, now, or ever, I could get you an 'A'. For I am an accountant. I do enjoy Jethro Tull's albun 'A', but that was the closest I've ever gotten to seeing an 'A'. I can't even spell kareoke.
Cousin Jff, you are not raisin that boy right. A steelers fan? in this family? Although, he was more interested in the fondue pot than the arod picture at xmas, so you must be doing something right.
Waldorf and Statler, classic. I forgot aboout those guys. They were the best.
I'm a mudhen fan, myself, Antie B -- please don't forget that!
So here's something that's apropos to share with the group -- a discussion question. "Do Holtz eyebrows take on a life of their own? Discuss". I did a little eyebrow scaping tonight and I'm now coping with a little throbbing redness. Holtz eyebrows on men are one thing -- I mean, come on, who didn't think Brezhnev was sexy?! But on women? Its a curse that's difficult and expensive to bare. Just thought I'd share.
the front cover of my report is going to be the picture with the guys head in his ass. that really does describe how funny and creative you all are. okay so one of you is a accountant. anyone in the cia or fbi. that would make it interesting
Jimmy, I commend you for reading and researching our blog page. Now start your paper like a good little boy and e-mail it to me. That could be our blog for a week, that should get you brownie points right?
Cousin Jeff, I found a blog site you might be interested in. It's about small fury animals, right up your lane.
www.mrbunnyban.blogspot.com
Warning: watch out for the bunnies.
I applied for a job in the CIA. I haven't heard back yet though... probably shouldn't have mentioned my holtz genes.
started my paper last night guys. but thanks for the offer to do it for me. i wouldnt admit that your a bills fan you might be harrassed. my buddy in my english class likes all the attention i am getting on your blog. he is doing a report on martha stewart and courtney love adn that blog site. i think hes gay. hes way to into the project. okay so tell me more about each of you. where you all live. how can i get in touch with the older lady. i have questions.
this blog has become alot of work to keep up with. lots of chatter, lots of comments, your either really popular or all bored.
rootin for denver this weekend, any denver fans in this clan?
I have to trim my eyebrows every 2 hours.
Denver??? NO!!! We're in Bills country.
But if you want me to root for them over the Patriots, you got it. No problem.
Jnna, I like angryalien.com , check it out.
Jimmy, how come your not in school at 11 AM? Wouldn't that be considered school hours?
i'm smack dab in pat's country, boston, ma. that answers your question too, Jimmy. But I'll be rootin' hard for the broncos. I hate the Pats. Go Sunnydale Bills! and Jimmy, you can't actually talk to the old lady. she's kinda like the godfather. you can only hope to get a message to her through her consigliere, Jnna.
oh, and jimmy, most of the clan is located in and around buffalo ny, although I'm in Boston, the Phd of the group is in DC, the "quiet one" who never posts is in Asheville, NC, and my parents tend to travel the world.
whats up people? i am home from school. yes i did go today. adam thanks man for all your help. it sounds like you want to write it up for me. 5-7 pages typed not written thats old school due jan 27th at 10 am. jeffrey i have studyhall at 11 am today thats why i was able to check up on ya guys. ummm dont you work? isnt 12 pm on a thursday a busy working hour? fargofan i am not going to write about you. my teacher just wants to know about the blog a d about you guys.
In the working world, we like to call 12, better known as noon, lunchtime. I was home for lunch. "Suckin' down a chilidog outside the Tastey Freeze".
Okay folks, back to Holtzapalooza, KDH, do your parents realize the honor they hold for hosting close to 35 relatives (and friends) in their backyard, all with tents, RV's, and campers? Cousin Eddie said he needs to dig up some change he left buried in the backyard last time he was in town.
Jnna, how are those signs coming and has Aerosmith responded? Rip Taylor wants to know if he can bring a date?
Hi Adam, Red Sux, Hahhahaha...I kill me.
I'll be right over.
Holtzapoolza--did we forget the firepit and campfire songs?!? Is it not the firepit that sent us to East Aurora in the first place (remember...it was legal there)Geeeezzze!
How about this weather? Unkie C and Auntie P go away to get a little warmness and it's in their own backyard! 50-60 degrees in Buffalo in JANUARY!! It is either "the end of the world" or the seasons are changing and everyone will want to start vacationing in balmy WNY!
Holtzapalooza could become national! Worldwide! Just think! We could actually make a buck some day!
Did I mention earlier that Emma lost her first tooth?
Actually, her father pulled it out because the other one was behind it. Yes...she was in tears as he was trying to get ahold of it,saying "I don't want to die" followed by " I love you Daddy!"...seriously! Drama Queen! Wonder where she gets THAT from! Anyways...as soon as it was out she was thrilled! Happy to report that all traditions followed without a hitch and Emma is now 5 quarters richer!
5 quarters! well, back in my day we were lucky if we got a dime! and ma was even a dental hygenist. The times, they are a changin.
Robert Zimmerman, is that you?
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