Well-behaved women rarely make history by kdh

I've always found this quote inspirational -- not only does it encourage me every day to try to make a little history, but it also provides a nice excuse for my bad, bourbon-swilling behavior. With this quote in mind, I want to share with you three women I've recently begun to consider role models, as my "big news" has been unfolding.


Scarlett? Well, we all know Scarlett didn't give a damn. She ran businesses, farmed a plantation, and looked mighty fine in a hoop skirt the whole time. She had blockade runners lusting after her! I remember so clearly sitting in the back of that Aerostar all the way to Florida one Griswold -- I mean Holtz -- family vacation, wishing I could be like Scarlett one day....

And speaking of role models from my childhood who have recently come front of mind for me -- here's another icon from my youth. Forget Jessica -- the original Daisy Duke was just about enough to make every prepubescent individual -- male, female, animal or mineral -- feel just a little funny inside. Maybe its the way she managed the Boar's Nest with aplomb, without worrying about taking off her top every now and then.

Now, I doubt Rosalyn ever made anyone feel funny inside -- even Jimmy -- but she's the third in my "girl power" triumvirate of new role models. OK, so she married a peanut farmer. But she got that peanut farmer into the White House for God's sake. Enough said.

So what do these three women have in common, and why are they part of my new role model line up? Well, there's a good answer for that, family! They are three remarkable women from the fair state of Georgia -- and I'm about to become one myself! I'm moving to Atlanta, to head up projects at Danya South. New challenges, great opportunities, a big vote of confidence from my company and the omnipresent support from my mom, dad and bro have set me up to take this big step. I'm heading South, family, and about to become the Southernmost Holtz, and, potentially, a Braves fan....

So lots of things in my life are changing, but that's OK -- as we just learned from Scarlett, Daisy and Rosalyn, sometimes the most world-changing women are those that take risks .. and misbehave a little!

Waiting For KDH's Big News

Hi, My name's Mike. My friends call me Timmy. KDH, where's the blog you've been talking about? I've started a Bourbon Swillin' KDH fan club. Whenever you write anything in the blog site we drink. It's a lot of fun. Well, we'll just wait for your big news. I'm so excited.




Here' s your fan club from Pancake Bay, Ontario. Please tell us all about yourself. We want to know everything.

Jimmy's Post (unedited)

Blogs and websites began to soar in 2000. A CNN blog reported that; "An estimated 145,000 blogs are created every hour." Many blogs contain political, economic, or socialist ideas. Some blogs talk about sports, food, beliefs, daily activities; basically anything. It's now become a growing trend that actors, newscasters, athletes, presidents, CEO's create blogs. Everyday ordinary people have joined the growing trend as well.

When I began my research into blogging and blogs, I found blogs that I was surpised even had a web address. Some blogs have mature content or are racially driven. I even found a blog that was written by a death row inmate. Since the increase of these websites, Congress is working on a plan to minimize these such websites.

With the help of my family; I started to research a blog that I would be interested in writing my paper about. I found a blog written by Brett Favre, although that can't be proved. I came across a blog that was written by TV weatherman Al Roker. Did you know RUPAL is a regular blogger? Actor Jeff Bridges also blogs.

With the help of my family, I started to find my blog of choice. One of the many free blog sites is www.blogger.com. Like any search engine you can search whatever topic of interest you may have. I began to research for the most updated blogs. I found a blog that even after my paper has been completed, I still check up on.

As a class of 2006, we learn many life lessons. The true meaning of friendships, the value of family, and that skipping class is immediate detention. I found a website where the value of family is evident, the meaning of friendships is defined, and I am assulted if I mention skipping class.

The Holtz family originally from the Western New York area has roots in DC, Boston, Fargo, Carolina, and possibly other cities. Their blog is quite different to the everyday blog. The authors of their website differ from time to time. The blog was created in October in memory of a father and a grandfather who passed away; and the memory of him still lives on. It is clearly mentioned in their blog that he is deeply missed. Adam Holtz, a member of the family blog said " And of course, there's the patriarch of the clan, Chaz f. Holtz, Sr. who is always here in spirit... he's the guy who gave us all this sense of humor." Their blogs range from a wide variety of topics. Some blogs are quite funny. For example, Jenna Koch, blog creator blogged about her speed date evening. Jeff, wrote about his quest to become an olympian, Uncle C and his wife wrote about their recent trip down south. Some blogs are emotional. For instance, the first entry talks about the reasoning behind their creative blog. Each blog seems to bring this family closer and closer together. They average 30 comments per blog, well above any other blog I came across. Some comments are from family members and others are from their fans. They developed friends in North Dakota, Albany, and Michigan. Their newest fan from Pennslyvania.

The Holtz family consists of Grandmother Holtz; who will almost be 89. Sometimes she posts a comment or two, just to keep up with the family. She is featured in some pictures. Grandmother even submitted a blog just before Christmas which talked about Christmas past with her husband, who proudly served in World War II. With the help of her family, I was informed that her husband and her were parents to four children. Although, one blog claims he may have fathered more jokingly, of course. Their children had kids and some kids had children.

The blog only hears from two of her children on a day to day basis. It was later known that Uncle Chuck and Aunt Betsy are two of her children. With the help of their families, the remaining children are named Aunt Sue and Uncle John. They both had kids who are regular bloggers. Uncle Chuck, a teacher; lectured about the importance of reading and writing.

It is important to mention the close relationship each family member has. Every family member strives to help out a family member or stranger in need. For instance, I received quite a bit of help with my paper (maybe I shouldn’t mention that). I learned information about this family that no one else would learn unless they read the blog. The Holtz family traveled to Niagara Falls before Christmas just to enter a blog to outsiders. The Countdown to Christmas, their next gathering was quite important to them. They also can’t go a blog without mentioning their favorite Christmas Holiday; “A Christmas Story.” Now they are counting down to their next gathering; Holtzapalooza, a family party to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and other occasions. Two of Grandmother Holtz will celebrate graduating from college; Jillthethrill; who was blasting me to get back to class and not focus on the website and Adam Holtz, who told me to write in larger font. Since they are college students, I took there advice. One granddaughter has a PHD, KDH; who offered to write my paper for $70 and claimed she would use large words to make sure I was guaranateed a A+. Jeffrey, an accountant encouraged me to read on, that you learn by reading.

The family is now focusing on plans to their party. They make group decisions on clowns, dunk tank, circus, bands, etc. On average, there is a new blog about every three days. The memory of their loved one lost only strengthens their connection to each other. Something that he always wanted. I am certain that this family will not let his memory fade. I am also certain that this families ties will only grow as the blog grows and the family grows.

In response to question 2A what was your favorite blog? That question is hard to answer. I can’t decide. There was a blog written by Jeff about his involvement with the federal government and wanting to capture “some guy named Osama Bin Laden.” There are numerous blogs about investigating a accident, death of a squirrel. There are blogs about the families days in there respective cities; Boston and DC.

The most important thing with the family is humor. They enjoy making each other laugh. “Laughter is the best medicine.” I think it’s also important to include quotes from each family member.

Grandma HoltzJimmy,

"Anything that keeps this gang of mine together is the best thing that could happen. That's why this blog created by my family (who is very clever) is such a great idea. The fact that they will do their best to top the other comments will keep them all on their toes. It also means that I will hear from them more often. You know that I have been fortunate enough in being here so long, that I sort of get lost in the background. So, every so often I get to throw my two sense worth. They may shoot me down once in awhile but I bounce back quickly. I never cared for computers before, but now I endorse them completely, except when they break down. Good luck on your paper Jimmy, hope this helps a little."

Gram

Uncle C:“Actually, the real reason I came on line is for Jimmie. Are you still out there boy?? With Jan. 27 fast approaching, and I am not sure why you are handing in papers instead of taking midterms on that day like all of our New Yorkers,but, I am going to let you in on a some teacher secrets.Teachers long ago gave up trying to get their students to read what they should read, ie. the great authors, and have compromised by trying to get students to read ANYTHING, up to and apparently including blogsites. This is both good and bad. It is bad that you are reading blogsites instead of the great stuff that is out there, but it is good that you are reading, and this is the point that you need to make in your paper, how much you are reading.Your teacher need to have you say that he/she has been successful in their quest which is getting you to read. A+++++, if you can show how this blog has inspired you to go on to read other things. For example, all of the comments made here about Catcher... have made yougoout and read the collected works of J.D. Salinger---no I doubt that even a rookie teacher would fall for that--=taking notes Adam?, even though it wouldn't take all that long to do it. The second part of this has to do with the purpose behind the blog. As you have learned by now, it started out as e=mails exchanged among the cousins relative to Christmas. Niece Jnna had the inspiration of creating this site as a way to exchange xmas ideas, etc. but like so many things, it became something other than what it was originally intended to be. People are, by nature social creatures, and anthropologically speaking, our survival has always depended upon having a social group that we could rely upon for support. Fast forward to today. Where is the social group that you can rely on to always be there? As you will soon learn, if you have not already, friends, no matter how good they are, come and go. Family is what it is. So you were lucky to wander into a blogsite that consists of a bunch of people with no political or social agenda, a place where unlike so many others out there is not spewing out a lot of hatred and ill will, but just a place where family members are trying to make each other laugh. As you probably noticed, most of the humor is where we make fun of ourselves. My father never spent a lot of time worrying about the self-esteem of his kids, and it seems to have continued. Do we love it when someone outside of our immediate social circle comes on and gives us a compliment? We sure do, and the more the better. That is why it was so neat when the anonymous came on and wanted to set up a site for their family. That is why we love hearing from Fargofan, who as a Holtz, is extended family. Five to seven pages? Come on Jimmy, you have the makings of a novella here. Matter of fact, you will probably take the paper, when written, eventually publish it and make a ton of money off of it. But that is OK, just don't hook up with Golddigger out there. There is something in the Holtz genes that prevents us from ever using any ideas to make money. I know that I will take heat for this long-winded, space-consuming, wandering piece of prose, but write it off to old-age. Back to reality. How about them Billz huh?? Can you believe that neither of my kids told me that there was a resignation? Loved the Pop Warner and Knute Rockne comments. Really, would JoPa leave Happy Valley? He might like being referred to as "the kid" by his bosses.” 6:48 AM, January 22, 2006 His wife, #1dinlaw:--And Jimmy, I am Unkie C's wife! After all of you have read that that 6:48 monolog, you can imagine what 2 weeks alone with Unkie C was like! The man just goes on and on and on.....

KDH (daughter to #1dinlaw and Uncle C)“so here's what I love about the blog -- family is the kind of thing you love because you're supposed to -- you have a shared history, shared genes, shared experience. A lot of families stop there -- or don't even get that far. But the blog has helped to actually KNOW my family better -- beyond what you can get over xmas presents and turkey -- and expand upon those genes, those experiences and that history. And how much fun -- a sense of connection, a shared sense of humor and something that I know will make me laugh out loud at least once a day. That's why the blog just rocks.

Can I get a witness on that one?”

Betsy:“To My Dear Friend Jimmy:I have thought long and hard what would I write to you about the family blog and what it means to me. Cuz you know, Jimmy, the words have to be perfect, they have to have the right amount of humor, warmth, grace and charm, be funny but not mean spirited, no heavy political or religious discussions, even though we could have those, they dont belong here, but this BLOG even though it is to honor our Dad/Grampa, it is more for all of us. I echo all the other sentiments, keeping us close, learning about each others daily grind but the message here Jimmy is you see, every persons name you read every day, well that person, this family was the center of Charles Holtz's world. Every phone call, every post card, every 20 minute visit, was a kings ransom in his eyes. And I have adopted that philosophy, I hang on every word that is said here, can not wait to respond, and tell everyone far and near how much fun this is. And everyone's response is exactly the same, but you're just talking to your family right? Exactly, thats all I am doing. And I can not imagine doing anthing else. So in closing, this BLOG has given all of us a chance to honor a wish, and bless us with each others company. May the German Soldier never get you... “6:56 PM, January 18, 2006

Jeffrey:“Jnna, absolutely hysterical!!! I'm not the "cowboy up" like Adam is, but I'd go for Albert. He just has that look about him. You know he's got that look.

Back to Holtzapalooza... 30 pack of Keystone on sale at Wilson Farms for $6.99. I'll go get a few cases.

Anonymous (Seinfeld), were just a family havin'fun. We're also planning for Holtzapalooza, so any ideas or help would be great. Can you bring a 30 pack?

Jimmy, so much material here that your missing. Just start plagiarizing. Come on, if Senetor Biden can do it. You can.”

His wife:

“Hard to believe that ESPN has been replaced by this blog as Jff's main source of...well...everything!

OK Jimmy...do you REALLY think it's a hand holding world out there? Teenagers! In reality...we pretty much push and shove and try any means possible to be the one at the computer first to see the blog...Jff doesn't know this but I preset the TV on Spongebob BEFORE the kids come home so I can distract them immediately!

Not only is the blog great for laughs after a day of work, but it is a great way to keep in touch as one unit instead of phone calls and e-mails to individuals--because, after all, in case you haven't noticed, we all like to add our "two sense" to everything...or is that two cents??? Jill?Also...we can include FARGO!”4:06 PM, January 18, 2006

Jenna (blog creator)“Well I have to concur with my cousins on the importance of the blog. You see Jimmy, we created this blog in memory of our Grandfather. A way for all of us to connect and update on what is going on in our lives. We have family in North Carolina, Boston, DC, and NY. Sometimes, it is hard to let everyone know what is going on. I know that Grandpa is in his glory.

Also, I know firsthand how Grandma feels about our blog. I can just imagine she waits by the phone to get a "blog update".

As far as learning new things; I never knew that Jeff and Sanda held hands, that KDH had a "thing" for mullets, etc.

So this blog brought us closer together. I never dreamed it would have been this successful.

So there you have it Jimmy!”

Jillthethrill:

“My sister sure had Lady Luck on her side when she went to speed dating. I am still in shock that no one has snatched up these eligible bachelors.

My pick is for Albert...I bet he has big muscles. The bigger the better!! I can just picture myself runnning my fingers through his thick, luxurious head of hair!”

Adam Holtz:

“I don't know, but the picture of the lady in the short shorts was making me look forward to old age. Sex-Y!”





In closing, the Holtz family lives for their family. They check in everyday to report a comment. I found one blog that showed the true meaning of a family. If only more blogs were like www.holtzfamilychristmas.blogspot.com. To my classmates, never underestimate the power of your family. Laugh often with them. Thankyou to the Holtz family for their help in my paper.

Welcome Home!!

I know that everyone was expecting Jimmy's marvelous paper as tonight's post. However, I wanted to let everyone know about Gram's health and offer a few solutions. This afternoon, I received a phone call from Gram who had a few errands to run. Those errands consisted of going to the bank and then to cash a winning lottery ticket. Everyone calm down it was only a $5 winner. As we were driving, Gram started talking about what she thought were "her last moments".



So her scope of discussion began to turn to nursing homes. With all that said, I informed her of her local options. She begged me to give her a tour. Our first stop was Northgate, where she knows a few of the "inmates". We decided to take a peek at a few of the residents. This is Gram's new friend Irma. She even invited us into her apartment.


Gram liked the set up of her apartment. She even asked her if she could sleep over for the night. We went outside to check out the backyard facilities. There is plenty of room for boccee ball. Luckily, for us we witnessed "gardening time." It's mandatory for the residents to pick at least 12 berries. Gram was more than willing to help Stanley pick his berries. But, he snapped at her and told her he didn't need her assistance. I really think she would like it there.





After our lovely tour, we decided it was time to check out our next facility.








Our next stop was to the Erie County Home. From the outside, Gram was rather impressed. She was ready to sign up. We walked inside and we were greeted by courteous staff. We immediately signed up for the 11:20 tour. Gram began to instantly make new friends.







Sophia approached Gram and asked her if she needed any help. There was an immediate connection. Sophia told her that she has a lovely room that she was willing to show. So we took her up on that offer. As we went upstairs, Sophia started talking to Gram about her prescription drugs. They were in competition who had the most. Sophia ripped open her medicine cabinet to prove to Gram that she had more. I thought there was going to be a scuffle, but thankfully it didn't result to that.



Sophia ditched us and told us we should go check out the cafeteria. We hurried downstairs just in time for BINGO. I looked at Gram and I just knew she wanted to be the newest member. Without hesitation, she sat down and yelled out BINGO. There were many irritated residents. Of course Gram was joking; but she still won Wet and Wild cherry lipstick.



After we were kicked out of that nursing home, we scurried onto the next. I said "Gram okay this is the last one!" Then I had to give her some rules that she was ordered to adhere too. I didn't want out pictures plastered all over nursing homes.

We were off to the Schofield Nursing Home. We were both pleased with the setup of the nursing home. But, since Gram needed to drink 3 diet Pepsi's; she had to use the bathroom. The Nursing Home Manager informed us that their is only one bathroom that the men and women share. She directed us to the facility and Gram had to take a number.

She asked the manager if they ever played BINGO. She said No, it can get to violent. With that said, I knew what Gram was thinking. "Let's get out of here!"


So folks, none of that really happened. But I would like to introduce you to a new place that Gram will always have a room too. I am very superstitious, so I told everyone MUM was the word. January 2006 has been quite a month. This amazing house up the street from us was screaming my name. A few weeks ago, I took a tour of the house and quickly fell in love. I am very happy to report the Koch's will be moving to 431 Adam Street. Once I knew it was a done deal, Gram was given the tour and she quickly picked out her bedroom. So here it goes; Welcome Home Koch's!!

With Mr. and Mrs. Fix it's approval, I would love to hold Christmas 06 at our new house.

It was rather hard for me not to tell anyone about this. Especially the blog. But I knew it was time when I signed on the dotted line. I have known for quite some time. So, this weekend the Koch's will be busy moving into our new house. We will post more pictures later. Welcome Home Koch's! So there we have it. That was my big news!!

AUNTIE P GOES TO FLORIDA

MY VERSION OF A DAY IN PARADISE

Unkie and I seem to see things a bit differently these days so I will tell you how my trip went. To start the day right I would have my daily-recommended amount of orange juice sometimes with just a tinsy bit of vodka. This is how I measured my juice to make sure I was getting the daily-recommended amount of good old Vitamin C. I use this method to measure other “things” also.





Next I did a little sunbathing. Working on your tan is very important when you’re in Florida. I slather myself with a mixture of baby oil and iodine and lay right down in that sand, which acts as a nice exfolliant!






Next is lunch and I hop on my scooter to meet Unkie at our favorite spot where we enjoy a Bahama Mamma or three. Knowing I shouldn’t get back on my scooter until the effects of those Mammas has worn off, I do a little shopping at one of the high end boutiques. I have added several darling afternoon frocks to my wardrobe and some exciting new gloves embroidered with tiny sea horses.

















The day winds down with a relaxing dinner where we greet the many new friends we have made. We took the liberty of inviting all of them and their dogs-everyone there seemed to have an adorable little fluff ball companion- to Holtzapolooza. Unkie and I are thinking about getting us a pooch - a new little Tuffy perhaps!





This is a picture of just one of the many beautiful sunsets we saw. I would get my suit on and find my favorite palm tree to lean against while I watched it! And so another day in Paradise ends! Unkie is now snoring under the cupboard at our efficiency and I set my hair in rollers, wrap my head up in a kerchief and drift off.








Just as a side note. From what I could gather, there is very little flocking done in Florida. I can understand this because as you grow older it’s hard to take flocking essentials with you when you travel. I decided to pursue a new hobby-at least while I was there. Shelling is oh so easy to do in Florida. Why just step out the door and there you are! Unkie doesn’t even have to help, as he sometimes has to do with flocking.

MY DAY IN PARADISE!

MY DAY IN PARADISE

I have to begin by saying that Auntie P. and I did not both see our trip to Florida the same way. As a matter of fact, we had a bit of a disagreement over our recollections, so you need to know that what is below is what I remember. She plans on filing her recollections tomorrow.
The idea of escaping WNY in January is one that we all have. Off to the sunshine, especially after so many consecutive sunless days, was oh so attractive. We went online to find a condo to rent to give us our week in central Florida. It promised everything that we were looking for, in a most desirable location.

One of the purposes of this trip was to allow me to keep my golf streak alive, and I certainly wanted to be on the top of my game, so I had to do some practicing before we left.

Once we arrived, there were any number of great golfing options available. I did find that each course had its own set of local rules and requirements that were a bit unlike what I was used to at home, but when the chance arises to play golf in Jan. you adjust to whatever you have to do.

We did get a chance to meet a lot of nice folks. The young lady was staying in our complex and she introduced us to her great uncle who was there from Germany on a visit. Color us surprised when we discovered that his name was Hans Holtz from Stuttgart. Ah, those Holtz eyebrow genes. There is no denying them.




We did get a chance to visit
Universal Studios in Orlando, and I must say that all of the vicious stereotyping about “old people” is totally unjustified. Everyone we saw was very nice and had totally embraced the Florida lifestyle.








We did find that there was no escaping door to door solicitations.

All in all, it was a fun trip. I think that Florida is very nice and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to get away from it all.

p.s. After seeing this Auntie P and I agree with Zach---NO CLOWNS!!!!!!

submitted by Unkie

"No, I don't need Medicine, What I really need is...."

Since my last post, a few things have changed in my life. For one, I really haven't spent a lot of time with Grandma. Why you ask? Well I have been really busy with Albert and my new friends. I felt the need to check up on Grandma, since we all hear about it if no one calls her. When I called her, I couldn't hear how she was doing through her coughs. "I'm not feeling well." As soon as she said those words, I began to panic. So I called my lovely mother at work and told her that Grandma wasn't feeling to well. (Don't worry family, it's just the cold).

Mother's orders were for me to rush right over there and see if she needs anything. So I pull in to LMA and quickly ran into the building. It doesn't matter how fast you get there, you still have to wait for someone to buzz you in. Luckily for me, there was a going away party in the community room going on. I met a lot of nice people there today. So I ran up the stairs and knocked on the door to Gram's apartment. She was sitting in her chair, struggling to complete yesterday's crossword puzzle. However, she would look at today's paper for the answers. I caught on to her little scheme!

Being the concerned granddaughter that I am. I wanted to take her temperature (her forehead felt normal, I think), feel her pulse (yes she still had one), bring her water (she wanted diet Pepsi), and ask her if she needed anything. All she could mumble out was; "I really need my tickets!" Well a few hours later, I brought her the tickets she wanted, and she magically felt better! I think I found the cure for the common cold.

So, when she began to perk up, I thought she might want to go out. Of course she didn't turn down my offer. I put my thinking cap on and said to her; " Let's go to Uncle Sam's Delta Bingo Gram!" She began to jump up and down with pure excitement. Our mission; Fort Erie, Canada!

So Gram brought her ten bingo dabbers, lucky rabbit's tail, and a pack of generic cigs (purchased at the duty free shop). I knew it was going to be a great time! We met a lot of nice people at USDB.

Grandma is sitting on the right next to her new friend; Gertrude. I, was trying to hide under the table. After every number is called Gertrude would ask for a Repeat! There was security at the bingo hall. Just in case the crowd became rowdy. I did witness trouble, when Ethel was jealous that Francis won the first round.




During the game, Gertrude became rather frustrated with Ed; the bingo caller. So, she took it upon herself to call. The sun was shining through, so everyone was advised to put on their sunglasses. With Gertrude out of the mix, Gram thought her chances of winning grew. But, Gertrude tried pulling a fast one by calling out B41. I witnessed her pocket the cash and declared herself the BINGO winner.










When I told my friend Gigi what I witnessed she wanted to confront her immediately. I knew it was going to cause trouble, so I slouched in my chair. Luckily, it was a bathroom break; so I was the only one who saw what went down. Gertrude agreed to split the money with Gigi so that would silence her. I later found out that Bingo is now a contact sport. One person was carried off by getting hit in the head with a blue bingo dabber.(Jff maybe that is a glimmer of hope for your Olympic Dream)


Once Gertrude pulled the first ball out, the "gang" sat down and paid close attention to her. All eyes were on poor Gertrude. I sat attentively helping Gram out with her mass quantities of bingo cards. If there was so much as a peep in the room; Jimmy, the security guard would SHHHH everyone! It was turning out to be an eventful day. Grandma only needed B11 to win the big $25.00. With both our fingers crossed, and our lucky troll in front of us; we anxiously waited for the next number.

Sitting 20 feet from us was Arthur. I caught him eyeing Gram up. But, I became creeped out when he began to talk to his bingo card. "I17, I only need I17! I didn't think that he was going to be a threat to us. Simply because, we were overdue for a B.

The next ball Gerty pulled out was N37. There was an uproar when Wayne declared BINGO. Gram threw her dabbers to the ground and said. "That's it. Let's get out of here!" Luckily, Jimmy continued to work on his paper, so he didn't need to calm the crowd down.

We were allowed back into the states, without problems, and she returned safe and sound to Luther Manor.

Well family, I could go on and on and on and on about my evening with Gram. But you see, I need to start drinking! I think I might just stick with her Crossword scratch offs!

In honor of Martin Luther King day

In honor of Martin Luther King day; I too have a dream. I know it has been a while since I have last posted. Like my mother said, I have been busy with a few "projects". One project is of course; Grandma. The other projects will remain anonymous for the protection of the Secret Service and the CIA.

As you all were notified my birthday was last Tuesday. I decided to abandon my family get together and go on a night on the town; by myself. One of my dreams is to be in a long-term relationship. With this said, I heard about this great way to meet guys; speed dating. So, I put on my jeans and a sweatshirt and ventured to the Marriott Hotel to conquer my dream.

I want to introduce you to Albert. He was the first guy I met. Now, keep in mind I only had three minutes with him. I told him that I also had that Same shirt he was wearing, but I save it for special occasions. Albert is a 31 year old full-time personal trainer. His first question for me was; "Can I pump you up?" I suddenly found myself lost in his eyes and his rather high forehead. I really wanted to call home and tell my parents that I think I found the "one". But before I could ask if it was boxer or briefs; the buzzer sounded. It was onto the next guy.






The next guy that plopped down in front of me was named Billy Ray. When I first saw him, I thought it was love at first sight. He couldn't remember when he last showered, but either way I enjoyed his extra strong cologne smell. Billy Ray is a part-time computer technician. He said he never has been on a date, so this way, he can say he dated 6 women in one night. I really couldn't contain myself so I gave him my number and told him to call me. I had to ask him boxer or brief, and he responded with "Thong on the weekends." It didn't matter to me, I mean everyone has their faults; right? Before our time was up, I asked him for his pocket protector and we went our separate ways. As much as I enjoyed our time together, he kept asking me if I was going to eat that sandwich in front of me.







I thought, hey third time has to be a charm. To my surprise, Jimmy Beam sat down grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't help but notice his sexy mullet. When we started talking, I became enchanted with everything about him. In the three minutes we talked, we somehow connected. Jimmy is 29 years old and has an obsession with Garfield and video games. He said when he grows up he wants to develop video games. In the meantime, he is a paperboy. A working man; just how I like it. Our three minutes was up before I knew it. I was hoping I would see him again.







As it started to get late, I just knew that Mr. Right was in the building. I didn't want to go home empty handed. So, as I put my hands in my face and sulked in my chair, this one gentleman caught me by surprise.

There was a crowd of people surrounding this one guy. I fought my way through the crowd, and was determined that it was my prince charming. Finally, standing right in front of me; there he was. I knew it. I just knew it! When I sat down in front of Buck, we just had this chemistry. Something felt so right between us. I quickly gave him my number and told him to use it. Buck is a very busy plumber and part-time male escort. Keep your hands off ladies!!! He's mine!!!




I try not to kiss on the first date, but this one; I just couldn't resist.


I was satisfied with my first speed dating night. I also couldn't wait for my date with all these fine looking men. So family tell me; Which one do you like best?? I do need your approval. And Cousin K, since were family; I am willing to give one up for you.








So, as you all could see, I have been rather busy lately. I know these guys are no Floyd's. But, maybe one of them is my Prince Charming. I tried dragging Gram our with me, but I knew she would take all my spotlight away. Well family, I appreciate your patience as my search for Mr. Right continues.

a day in the life of...

In deference to cousin Jff, and in the hopes of pleasing the masses, I hereby submit a typical day in my life... a 29 year old full time college student on his winter break.

Its exciting times i'm living in people... freshly married, in school full time to get my master's degree, and basically just living the dream. I wanted to give you all a taste of what its really like living my life, so you can get a better glimpse into my own particular form of celebrity.

I set my alarm each and every morning for 8:59am. Just in time to turn over and watch Regis and Kelly. I hate to admit it, but I have a bit of a crush on Ms. Kelly Ripa. I think its her intellect. Here's a little picture my wife snapped of me watching my favorite show.

Of course, the tv watching isn't over after Regis and Kelly. The Price is Right is a mainstay in this man's life... I just love watching the little old ladies mosey on down to contenstants row, with their walkers and canes. Its a hoot! And Bob Barker is truly a dreamboat. Of course, I do take a bit of pride in knowing that if I really wanted to, I could totally kick ass and win the car.

Anyhoo, after 3 strenuous hours of gameshow watching, I get a bit peckish, so I usually head to my favorite local dining establishment and grab a small bite to eat. Remember, its tough keeping my girlish figure, so I don't eat much. The waitress was able to snap a shot of me eating a light meal. Its pretty flattering, if I do say so myself.

Of course, after a meal like that, I need to get some exercise in. So I usually head on down to the local golf course and work on my swing. Its not easy having a father who's working on 100 consecutive months of playing golf, but I like to think that I can keep up with the guy. As you can see, my swing is perfect. Aww who am I kidding, I put this picture in just to play up to cousin Jffs "proclivities".

Finally, at the end of the day, its time to thank my wife for supporting my sorry butt while I live such a wild and crazy lifestyle. Usually, I do this by sitting on the couch while she makes me dinner, complaining about how bored i am. However last night, I decided that I'd take her dancing. She loves dancing! Here's a picture of the two of us cutting a rug, ballroom style. She says she slipped, and I believe her.

Keeping Our Fans Happy

An Olympic Dream by JT Pilaf

Our anonymous friends are screaming for a new blog and I hear their cries. Jenna (Happy Birthday) feel free to blog over this as soon as your ready with yours. But, the Olympics are around the corner and I just wanted to share with my family my dream and desire to be in Turin, Italy representing our country.

BUT, what can I do?

When I was a youngster I was really good at hide-n-seek.

Our neighborhood friends would get together and we could play for days, weeks. It once took my brother Rick, the quiet one, 13 days to find me and I was in our backyard, behind the shed. I finally had to come out. I ran out of cheese and peanut butter in the mouse traps and was getting hungry. Now I'm not asking you to find me in this picture. You couldn't (maybe Kristen). But the rest of you, your not trained. I'll just tell you I'm behind the rock. This might be for the Summer Olympics.



When I got older I fansied myself the artist. I'd draw cartoons and drawings of Roger Ramjet, my favorite superhero. Soon after I dove into clay (got my hands dirty if you will). I would take a huge piece of clay and just wrap it around my head, peel it off and wa la. Now, this must account for something in the Olympics. They're adding new games all the time.



You know what? I know. We used to do this in college. I was the best.
After a night of partaking in a few libations at our favorite watering hole. The boys and I would indulge in blue lighting. It takes a steady hand and buddies that you can trust. If I reach back and pull out ol' glory I could represent our country proud.



I would just like to thank Sandra for letting me realize my dreams and for letting me practice night after night. I think she's really proud of me. GO USA!!!